Smöl Life Update~
For some time now I've been struggling with health related stuff. I kept "fighting" it - I struggled to make space for it especially with my work feeling like I was being slowed down. I just forcefully pushed through everything. I struggled to accept the diagnosis, struggled to accept the changes, struggled to accept that fundamentally my identity shifts with this new learning. It's a chronic and progressive pain disorder. The last month or so, it really hit me that pushing myself to "work" when I haven't taken time to care for myself made the symptoms and the pain worse and harder to manage. Where it stands right now, I roughly have about 2 good-ish weeks every month where I can lead sort of a normal life. The other two weeks sees me with reduced capacity and mostly in bed from the pain and fatigue (but wide awake and brain whirring lol). This also threatens my ability to be self sufficient and independent, so it got me thinking about how I can find my way through this... So with this, this month and the next month onwards I am embarking on a mini life redesign~ I've realised my current ways and ideas of productivity are no longer serving me. I'm curious to explore how I may redesign my life around these new hurdles to still be able to work on the things I'm passionate about and find a new normal for myself.
Partly, it's frustrating because I am building out this story world of this cat that lives in my head rent-free and I've love to get this story in front of more people sooner and do more activities. But I'm recognising this is now an opportunity to prioritize my actions and work differently... it's no longer just working hard.
I'm so curious to discover what I may see as being productive and leads to new output, growth and progress for my work! Will update as I go through the motions of it. This week I'm on rest, and I have about 2... maybe 3 hours each day with good energy. I'm using it to "plan" and think and strategize and build a roadmap for myself and my work~